By your own will, you can change a lot of things in life. Your job, your car, where you live; important factors of everyday life. Your diet, social groups, saving money; equally important aspects of a well-balanced twenty-something. Your appearance, going out or staying in, joining Match.com or winging it at the bars; of lesser importance but most likely the most popular grouping.
You don’t have to change any of these things. But you can. It’s liberating, sometimes scary, and usually unpredictable.
Not included in the groupings of materialistic, personal, or tangible items? People.
Specifically, men.
A recent tweet from @MensHumor sparked the inspiration behind this post because it’s a far too common thought amongst me and my group of girlfriends.
@MensHumor: “That guy is such a douchebag! Is he single? Maybe I can fix him!” – Women
In short, no. You just can’t. Unless this d-bag immediately falls head over heels for you, he’s not going to come around after a year of playing late night cat and mouse. If he wanted to date you, he would.
It’s so easy to type that, but I (and a handful of friends) still struggle with that thought. Because I mean, who wouldn’t want to date you, right? You have a good job, make jokes, can hold conversation with the guy’s roommate, and look decent in sweats. Isn’t that all a guy needs? No? Ahhh, well, decent start at least.
You want him to text you at 7:30 on Saturday night before he has plans to see what you’re doing, not at 2:30am when he’s wondering how he got to Beaumont. You want to hear from a mutual friend that he was raving about you, not that he’s been having sleepovers with a mystery blonde from the office next door. Although you prefer dive bars, you try to like clubs like he does. You really, really do. You talk your friends into Studio Paris, Board Room, and maybe Cuvee. And now you have no friends.
You want someone who is not him at all and end up changing yourself because you can’t change him.
To be blunt, if you weren’t enough for him at the start, having a sudden interest in the same clubs (or anything he likes) as him isn’t going to be enough for him now. When he wants to stop browsing the women’s restroom line for an overly made up, underdressed (as in, lack of clothing…) female, he will. But wait… he tells you you look good and you aren’t overly made up and are fully clothed. From your stealth observations, you aren’t his “type.”
Knock, knock; is anyone home up there? This guy doesn’t HAVE a type right now. He’s not out there looking for someone who emulates his mother (ladies, as we know from Cosmo, this is the type of woman most men end up looking for/marrying). He’s looking for another girl to string along because you’re mentally exhausted, KNOW you’re being naïve, and have given in to realizing this is a never-ending battle between yourself and his love for not knowing where he is on most Sunday mornings. Cut your losses. He doesn’t care at all and you’re creating mind games that only have one player…yourself.
It might have taken you awhile, but you came to your senses before he came to his. Does it still suck? Of course. You wanted to make him into boyfriend material and he’s imagining you as…well…material. Just there to amuse himself until someone better (pffff) or different comes along.
Brush those shoulders off ‘cause it’s “on to da next one.” Or something like that.
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